hard and cold as earth, baby

IT'S SNOWING! i've never seen this before. it's not thanksgiving yet and there is snow on the ground. CRAZY! okay. moments over. moving on.

man, there is so much to write, i don't even know where to begin. every day i'm learning something new. like, i now know how to crochet beenies. i know, i know... i'm a grandma, but it's a really valuable life lesson. i'm kidding, of course. (about the life lesson part. i really do know how to crochet.)

it's interesting to me that each thing we learn overlaps. it doesn't really fit well in my compartmentalized brain. at school, physics goes in its physics box and english in its english box. but here, spiritual warfare is waged everday, so it is a factor in your relationships and requires constant prayer and knowledge of yourself and your foundations in Christ and the scriptures. that's like the thesis statement of the last weeks. honestly, i've never been good at writing papers for school, so the term "thesis statement" always hinders my ability to compile coherent paragraphs... where am i going with this? i guess the bulk of this paper should be about my foundations and what i've learned about myself. truth be told, it seems like we've spent more time in class figuring out ourselves then we have God, but when you think about it, it makes sense for two reasons. first, if i don't know myself, why would i bother to know the God who created me. that may sound selfish, but most young people i know are so wrapped up in themselves because they are on this journey to "find" themselves. but what do they do when they finally come upon who they are? it seems like the most humble thing to do is figure yourself out so that you can finally forget about you and consentrate on God. and i don't mean this whole time we have lost sight of God; He is actively apart of finding ourselves. i'm sorry. maybe this is confusing. let's continue...

second, it is impossible to understand the unfathomable YHWH, so, since we are created in His image, by learning about myself, His mystery becomes discernable to the confines of my human brain. not that my spiritual gifts or personality traits are a reflection of His capacity, but that they are a glimpse of His magnificence and that He is so so much more than what has been created in me. you still with me? good.

"so what is all "knowing yourself" mumbo-jumbo your talking about here?" well, we took a personality test and a spiritual gift inventory, which were frighteningly accurate and shocking, respectively. first was the personality element profile (pep). it divides personailties into four major elements-earth, wind, fire and water. of these, i am an earth, through and through. pretty much, you can just think about the element and know the traits of its owner. i'm accurate, organized, focused, serious, steady, dedicated, slow moving, structured and conscientious. sound right? ain't gonna lie, it's a little difficult in the dynamic of kairos. i'm the only double earth; shane is also an earth, but he's blended with water, so he's more adaptable and easy-going. most everyone else is some degree of a wind, the element completely opposite to me. they're all flexible and talkative and emotion-driven and sometimes, they just bug me. but that's the point behind this-to figure ourselves out so that we can learn the best ways to interact and work with one another.

then there was the spiritual gift inventory. if you look in romans, paul lists several motivational gifts; this is the list the test is based on. what's great is that we didn't just learn what areas we're gifted in, we also learned what it means to have spiritual gifts and why and how to use them. i am gifted primarily in administration (it goes along with earth, i think), followed by mercy (i know... shocker) and perception. kevin told me that it is a very unlikely combination to have mercy and perception, but that God must like me, because if i didn't have mercy, i'd be a very difficult person to be around. thanks kevin. but i gotta say, i'm excited to know about these gifts. i feel like i have super powers.

but seriously, it's great to understand the reasons behind why i feel and act the way i do. it helps me to see myself through His eyes- as His beloved creation. to know i do things on purpose, not just willy-nilly for no good reason, humbles me. He loves me enough to have made me so intricate. ladies and gents, you may not understand all the little things you do naturally, but all those little nuances you think are ridiculous are His fingerprints on you. that's how much He loves you. and you know what the means? it means He is even more elaborate. and i don't know about you, but i'm excited to exhaust the inexhaustible God.

but then again, i'm an earth. i like detail-oriented things.

peace in His immeasurable love.